As moms, we have to make tough decisions everyday. Trying to find the balance between ourselves and our children, learning when to say “no” and when we need to ease up a little, discovering out parenting styles and choosing not to parent in certain ways… the list goes on and on!
One of the hardest decisions, personally, that I have had to make so far was choosing between breastfeeding my twins, and getting my health back in order.
The decision still gets to me even now, a month later.
Deciding to Quit Breastfeeding
I breastfed our older two girls, 3 & 2 years old now, until they were both about 9 months. I loved breastfeeding for the most part, and nothing in me every questioned the choice to do it. We just stopped when they were ready and both of them were pretty much over it around that time.
With the birth of our twins just 4 months ago, I knew that I was going to try to breastfeed them for as long as I could, knowing that they would probably be our last babies. I have a post here for tips on breastfeeding/breastfeeding twinsπ
Our girl twin had to be supplemented at 1 month because she just was not gaining weight, which I was unhappy about but willing to try because she had lost so much. Our little guy was eating and gaining just fine thankfully.
Then, my doctor told me that I really needed to try out a certain supplement, and another specialist was already trying to get me on medication for something else… I have had a lot of issues post-delivery of our twins unfortunately. I kept refusing because I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding. With all my heart I wanted to keep going.
But I was tired.
I was exhausted from the delivery, from the health issues, from having four children under four years old… I was just tired.
In order to be the best mom that I could, or at least try to be, I had to make the decision to quit breastfeeding in order to try and get my health back on track and get myself back mentally.
Everyday I battle with this choice, knowing that I won’t ever breastfeed again. It’s hard to explain to my husband because I don’t think that men really understand the emotional depths of the bond between mother and baby that breastfeeding creates.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are many out there who just cannot breast feed or who choose not to, and that is absolutely their decision. I am NEVER here to judge, especially not another mom.
Every time someone asks me why I am not breastfeeding them anymore, I break a little bit inside. Like that decision wasn’t hard enough without someone reminding you of!
For me and my family, it was a necessity. I had to try and get healthy so that I could give my four children the care that they needed.
Do I feel like less of mom? Maybe a little… but that is just a personal struggle. I do not think that anyone else is less of a parent for this reason. We are our own worst critics right?
Don’t let anyone else make the decision for what you do with your babies. YOU are their parent, YOU make the choices. There is way too much parent shaming and far too many mommy wars out there in the world. We could be spending that time lifting one another up or helping support a mom who had to make a tough decision like this one.
Think before you start to judge another mom for their decision. You will never know the reasons why the chose to do something one way or the other, unless you take the time to ask.
*Cheers to taking care of our babies in the best ways that we can*
I can’t yet imagine how hard this must be! I love breastfeeding but at the same time it is so difficult! I’m constantly dealing with some sort of pain or supply issue. I keep thinking it should be easier than this but I’m not ready to give up. Honestly, the main thing keeping me from quitting is knowing how many bottles we’ll have to wash and sanitize in a day. I feel you momma!
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Haha it’s not easy, but the bond is amazing;) Whatever you chose to do, it’s all about what’s best for your family and little guy. Lots of love to you mama!
People really need to stop asking questions like “Do you Breast feed?” “Did you have a c-section” and so many more because we as mothers have to make so many decisions not only for our child but for ourselves as well. Many of those decisions can be taken away due to complications and necessities during and after the birth process. These are personal issues and situations that are no ones business but the intimidate family. You do what you have to do to be healthy and I’ll support you all the way.
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Preach!
Such a tough decision indeed, but taking care of your health first ensures babies are taken care of! Moms make the tough and best decisions for their loves!! I breastfed my first two, but am just in awe of anyone who attempts to breastfeed twins – and they certainly look healthy either way :)!!!
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Thank you lady:)
I am all for FED babies…whether by the breast or by the bottle. Just as long as a baby is eating it doesn’t matter where it comes from. With that said, I breastfed my now 3 year old until she was 4 months. I went back to work after my maternity leave and pumping at the office was beyond difficult. I now have Cam (now 5 months old) and we are still going strong with breastfeeding. There are plenty of days that I am just over it but I just keep thinking about him being a preemie and how I want to provide for him the best and I can. At that point, breastfeeding is best for us, but the day will come (soon I am sure since he is sprouting his first tooth already!) that we will no longer breastfeed.Like you, he is my last baby, and it is hard to think of that bond being gone forever but it really isn’t. We both have developed as lasting relationship with our children regardless of how we fed them because we are their MOM! <3 you!
I love that so much. I am all for FED babies as well:)
Quitting breastfeeding is SO hard. I couldn’t manage it with my first until I was a few months pregnant with my second. And my second wouldn’t stop (he refused a bottle or anything else) until I was 6 months pregnant with my third. My third just turned a year old last week, and I stopped feeding him about a month prior because I made the decision to have a breast reduction, and the amount of people who called me out on it was insane.
Everyone has to make their own decisions on these things, and it’s no one else’s right to judge.
Katie @ AMotherThing recently posted…My Four Year Old Told Me He’s Going to Kill Himself, and I Had No Idea How to Respond
It’s terrible! Way too much parent shaming.
I understand your feelings… I was not able to breastfeed Hudson so I was really thankful when I managed to breastfeed Mila for 6 months. I always felt bad about it when people asked me if I was breastfeeding my son and I would have to say no. (Why do people even ask that?! ugh!) I am glad you made the best choice for you and those sweet twins are healthy and that is all that matters. π (but I am sorry you feel sad about it… I get it)
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I wish people would STOP asking that! haha.
That is such a hard choice to make, you are doing the best you can for your kids and you are an amazing mom! I love the bond of breastfeeding and I feel like at whatever age you decide to stop the decision is never an easy one!
Katie Chiavarone recently posted…A Month of Gratitude with Kids: Teach Kindness, Love, and Thanks
I agree. It has always been a hard choice, more so this time around for me.
I totally understand. We had to supplement with formula for a bit with Eve, and anytime my husband brought up anything regarding breastfeeding I got really defensive, even though he was super supportive overall. If you want to breastfeed it’s hard to feel like you can’t, whatever the reason is. But as you said, your health and wellbeing has to take priority. We’re fortunate that we can make that decision/know there are alternatives readily available. I can understand your struggle!
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I did the same thing with my husband. It’s hard for men especially to understand that bond.
Yes, moms, (and dads!) need to listen to their hearts (and health!) and sometimes make hard decisions based on whats best for themselves…which in turn, is much better for the family. You are an amazing mom and your family knows that. hugs!!
Thank you so much:)
You are absolutely doing the right thing for your family! Don’t let anyone make you second guess your decision for one second. Mama’s health has to come first!
Stefanie / The Monarch Mommy recently posted…My Favourite AI2: Funky Fluff LUX (Review)
I’m really trying to remember that!
I chose to quit at 6 months with both of mine and it was the right decision for me. I make these choices for my family. Not to impress other people.
I think that’s awesome. It’s so important to remember that we need to make the choices for our family and ourselves, not for society and those around us.
*hugs*
It’s sooooo hard to make that choice and many don’t understand our emotional attachment to breastfeeding and being able to nurture these little people with our bodies. I get it and totally relate to your hurt.
But like a previous commenter said, those babies are fed and that’s the most important thing. Find solace in knowing that you did all you could and that your babes are healthy. As moms it’s so hard to focus on ourselves but it’s so important to do.
Hugs and blessings
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Thanks mama:) I appreciate your sweet words. It has been such a tough decision, even though I know that the babies are fed and healthy.
What I love about your every scope and post is that you care SO much. You put your heart into each thought associated with your family. I would feel so sad about finishing soon, but you should be really proud of the resiliency you’ve shown and how you’ve gone about everything <3
Alana recently posted…8 Ways To Promote Gratitude When Life Isnβt Easy
Thank you lady. You always have the most supportive words:)