As moms, we have to make tough decisions everyday. Trying to find the balance between ourselves and our children, learning when to say “no” and when we need to ease up a little, discovering out parenting styles and choosing not to parent in certain ways… the list goes on and on!

One of the hardest decisions, personally, that I have had to make so far was choosing between breastfeeding my twins, and getting my health back in order.

The decision still gets to me even now, a month later.

breast to bottle

Deciding to Quit Breastfeeding

I breastfed our older two girls, 3 & 2 years old now, until they were both about 9 months. I loved breastfeeding for the most part, and nothing in me every questioned the choice to do it. We just stopped when they were ready and both of them were pretty much over it around that time.

With the birth of our twins just 4 months ago, I knew that I was going to try to breastfeed them for as long as I could, knowing that they would probably be our last babies. I have a post here for tips on breastfeeding/breastfeeding twins🙂

Our girl twin had to be supplemented at 1 month because she just was not gaining weight, which I was unhappy about but willing to try because she had lost so much. Our little guy was eating and gaining just fine thankfully.

Then, my doctor told me that I really needed to try out a certain supplement, and another specialist was already trying to get me on medication for something else… I have had a lot of issues post-delivery of our twins unfortunately. I kept refusing because I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding. With all my heart I wanted to keep going.

But I was tired.

I was exhausted from the delivery, from the health issues, from having four children under four years old… I was just tired.

In order to be the best mom that I could, or at least try to be, I had to make the decision to quit breastfeeding in order to try and get my health back on track and get myself back mentally.

Everyday I battle with this choice, knowing that I won’t ever breastfeed again. It’s hard to explain to my husband because I don’t think that men really understand the emotional depths of the bond between mother and baby that breastfeeding creates.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are many out there who just cannot breast feed or who choose not to, and that is absolutely their decision. I am NEVER here to judge, especially not another mom.

Every time someone asks me why I am not breastfeeding them anymore, I break a little bit inside. Like that decision wasn’t hard enough without someone reminding you of!

For me and my family, it was a necessity. I had to try and get healthy so that I could give my four children the care that they needed.

Do I feel like less of mom? Maybe a little… but that is just a personal struggle. I do not think that anyone else is less of a parent for this reason. We are our own worst critics right?

Don’t let anyone else make the decision for what you do with your babies. YOU are their parent, YOU make the choices. There is way too much parent shaming and far too many mommy wars out there in the world. We could be spending that time lifting one another up or helping support a mom who had to make a tough decision like this one.

Think before you start to judge another mom for their decision. You will never know the reasons why the chose to do something one way or the other, unless you take the time to ask.

*Cheers to taking care of our babies in the best ways that we can*

joanna at motherhood and merlot